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Privacy Policy

With thanks to Writers’ HQ, our supreme writing commanders, glorious leaders and excellent but tiny overlords, who have verily granted us permission to use their splendid and sweary Privacy Policy.

This privacy policy is for The Card Board (www.thecardboard.couk)


Wow has anyone ever read one of these?

We have to have one of these dealios to explain how we comply with the GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation), the DPA (Data Protection Act) and the PECR (Privacy and Electronic Communications Regulations) because God knows there’s not enough actual interesting things in the world to read, you need to read 1,000 words of legalese nonsense that makes literally not one bit of difference to anyone, ever.

Also we don’t really know what these things are.

Short words

The best bit about the GDPR is that all this has to be “concise, transparent, intelligible and easily accessible” so hold on to your hats, motherfuckers, this is going to be the shortest, clearest and best freakin’ privacy policy you ever did see.

So. Here we go…

Tl;dr

We’re a tiny, overstretched group of individuals and we don’t have the time or energy to do anything nefarious with your data. It’s not that we’re not evil – we’re as corruptible as anyone – we’re just too tired to think up a malevolent plot to steal your identity. We collect and store the info we need to provide you with a working forum. That’s really it.

COOKIES

Seriously who actually cares? Do you even know what a cookie is or does? Well then. Yes we use cookies because that’s kinda how the Internet works. If you don’t want our delicious home-baked chocolate chip scripts, then you need to block cookies on your browser but don’t come crying to us when nothing does what it’s supposed to.

STALKY VISITOR TRACKING

Look, we’re following you, ok? The forum has a basic builtin analytics system but we don't really look at it because we have better things to be doing with our time and knowing how many people have looked at a particular page is not really much use to a forum. We don't use Google Analytics or the Facebook Pixel. That shit is a terrifying Black Mirror horror show.

If you’re not on Facebook – well bloody done but the pixel is tracking you anyway. Don’t know if there’s a specific Facebook Pixel blocking thing but we accidentally discovered that if you use Freedom app to block social media while you’re writing it also blocks the FB pixel. Handy hints!None of these things store any super personal data about you but probably they nab your IP address, not that we’d know where to look for it or what to do with it. All we see is that a person or many people have interacted with the website in a particular way. You can mess with it by doing something totally unexpected on the website and skewing their stats. Or you could do something way more fun and useful with your time.

DATA STORAGE

DATA!! It’s all about the data, baby. A literal fuck-tonne of petabytes whirring around the world and what? What’s it all for? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? What will future historians actually see of us and our slowly collapsing society? So. We store your data in a few different places and use it in a couple of different ways. You ready for this? Here on this website! If you register with the site we will store your username and email address. That's just how forums work!

We obviously go to the maximum effort to keep this data secure and only two people have access to it. Only one of them ever actually looks at it and that’s to solve any technical problems you might have. We’ll be honest: we do absolutely nothing unsurprising or radical with your info. 

EMAIL MARKETING THINGIES AND NEWSLETTERS

We pretty much never want to send out a mass email to all users of the forum because who would want that? You may receive email notifications if someone quotes you or tags you in a forum post. There will be a setting in your user control panel where you can tell the forum not to send an automated email when these things happen.

YOUR RIGHT TO BE DELETED

FINE FUCK OFF THEN WE DON’T CARE. If you want to go undercover, just chuck us an email at admin@thecardboard.co.uk and we’ll delete all the info we have on you from our systems while having a passive aggressive huff about what we could have possibly done wrong. 

 

Got it? Read it? Done it? WELL FUCKING DONE YOU! Celebrate your achievement with a gold star.

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